My fieance dumped again.

[LowSbody]

Not looking for any advice. Not looking for anysympathy. I just need a place to put some words down. I'm loosing my mind. I'm making dinner. Makes me think of her. I do the dishes. Think of her. I wake up I think of her. 2.5 years of my life wasted beliving her love was true. Beliving in what we had was real and it would last forever. Soal mate. Is that real? Love. Is it worth it. My pearents have been married for 40 plus years and get along great. I want what they have. For the longest time i had gave up on it. What ever happened happened. Then she came along. Turned my world up side down. Oh what a fealing. I was on top of the world. Got a local job. " I drive truck" We got a house. Got engaged. Then rough fincial times hit. We didn't communicate well and we where both depressed. I'm the one that always tryed to talk. She keept it all clamed up. To the point she couldn't deal with it and got rid of me so she didn't have to worrie about it. But we started talking again. She still loved me. We got back togeather and we talked about so much. We vowed to always communicate. It was great again. But now im back over the road. All of a sudden she can't take it. My income is low right now due to slow freight. Shes been off work due to an injury. And now she can't stand me being gone all the time after she pushed for me to go back over the road. I'm hurt. but more flustrated and disapointed this time. Why are people so willing just to give up nowadays. Isn't love worth fighting for. The worst part of it is I could really use my best friend to lean on right now. I'm hurting. And i wish i could call my best friend for a little support. But I can't. The reason I can't is because she was my best friend. An my best friend just broke my heart.

[CRAZY MAN broncomudhead]

your heart will heal and this willmake you stronger in life,and it's her lose because you are a person with a heart that has feelings,and there are over 200,000,000,000 ton's of fish in the sea.l May your next love be hotter then the last and life long.

[Econo-box from Hell]

run

[Bigdaddy]

x2 on both

your heart will heal and this willmake you stronger in life,and it's her lose because you are a person with a heart that has feelings,and there are over 200,000,000,000 ton's of fish in the sea.l May your next love be hotter then the last and life long.

run

[Disturban]

Dude there are 6 billion people on the planet...3 billion are women!

[RIP_K52007]

Dude there are 6 billion people on the planet...3 billion are women!

x2 well... these days bout 1 billion are both or not sure.. but ignore dem ones...

[Disturban]

Start your fun here...100% FREEEEEEEEEEEEE http://www.plentyoffish.com/ 

[blue byu]

if she's gonna leave you when thing's get hard is she really what you need and want from a wifey? when times get hard you need someone that will be there for it all the good the bad and the ugly, you'll find someone that treat you like you need an want so keep your head up it'll get better :+)

[THAT MUDFIT GUY]

that sux  but the one thing ive learned in my time on this earth is  everything happens for a reason  and it may not be clear to us why it happens but it does for a reason  and youll find that perfect perosn somewhere sometime theres a bigger plan for you and shes just not part of it things will get better it just takes alittle time and youll feel better guaranteed

[Captn. J]

i had same thing happen to me but cept she came back and we re doing great so far .. i couldnt ask for more   but i know what u mean after doing all those things , love do crazy things for peoples , even myself

[mlankton]

Now is a trying time, very tough out there is she is going to run when the going gets tough, why would you want to be with someone that obviously doesn't love you enough to stick it out with you if I were you I'd be running. I can't imagine losing my girlfriend of 3 years but if she had an attitude like that it would be easy.

[Boggen Joe]

man it will all work out in the end. with or eith out her. if its ment to be than it will be, if not then nope

[mudboggincrazy]

x2 on both

your heart will heal and this willmake you stronger in life,and it's her lose because you are a person with a heart that has feelings,and there are over 200,000,000,000 ton's of fish in the sea.l May your next love be hotter then the last and life long.

run

x3 on both been there its no fun but not worth beatin your head in over it

[LowSbody]

A recent blog on myspace. It's been a little more than a month and i'm still going crazy. But i there was a couple of cool poetic moments in here. Some of you may enjoy or you'll think im crazy. probly crazy thats what i'm leanning towards.

Date: Feb 28, 2009

  Bla


Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Thats is true everyday except for one. The last day of your life. Lately i've become more focoused but theres moments everyday that i wish that stament wasn't true. So im home right now. But it dosent feal that way. I feal like i don't have a home. My truck auctaly feals like home now more than anywhere else. When i started driving that was the last thing I ever wanted to happen. I've been cost to cost and seen more than most everyone i know. I've seen the sun rise over the water in most every state on the east coast and have seen it set in california and have covered many points in between. I've seen the mountians in the arizonia desert. Been stuck on a snow covered mountian in upstate New York. Seen rush hour in NYC, Chicago, DC, Atlanta, Dallas, Indy, L.A., Kansas city, St. Louis The list goes on and on. I've been on a mountian higher than the clouds going through the grape vine. Stood on a boulder the size of house in the devils playground. Pulled the cabbige patch. Covered the vast varitey of teraine that Texas has to offer. Have drivenn for 20 hrs stright. Been awake and driving at every hour of the day. Non of this feals like an accomplishment. I'm just another dirty smelly truck driver thats in everyones way. I'm always lonly. But for the past month I have never felt so alone in my life. I only think about one thing. I'm dealling with it all. And you all know what it is that im dealling ith. But no one I know will ever go through it like I am. Driving has gotton me no where. I always end up full circle back here in Michigan with nothing to show for it. I can tell stories about my experence on the road till the cows come home. I can share my memories with all and most i have. But no one has ever been there to share them with me while i was making them. Althoe i have always been by myself. She always made me feal like it was worth it. Like i was getting some where. Slowly to a better place in life. In a split second with a few words that changed everything. So it's done. Seems shes celibrating. Quote" I don't like doing this. Hurting people is not the busniess im in, it's quit the oppisit." Well quoite me on the. You did. You have peireced my heart further than i thought humany ever possiable. I can endure physical pain. But this is unbearable. You have hurt me more than anyone ever has at any time in my life. That includes the last time you hurt me. You say you became an rn because you wanted to touch peoples lives and make a difference. You have touch mine more than any one else you have ever crossed paths with and the way you have made me feal is like dieing. You make me want to kill myself!!! Live with that. I want to hate. I want to be ok. I want to be able to say I'm over it. But i'm not. I'm more angry than i ever have been in my entier life. But i'm hideing it more than i ever have. There is nothing that anyone can do. Everyone tells me it's going to be ok. Beliving them is helping. My will to live outweighs my current desier for death. But I'm almost sure i'm going to snap. I just hope i heal enough before i do. This is not a cry for help. I'm just really angery. Today moreso than yesterday. But not as much as the day befor. It varries day to day. Any one can try and help. Have no fear i desier to take no one else. I desier to not take myself. I'm just verry verry verry angry. No i take that back. you don't try an help me in any way. U know who you are. Ya see i desier to bring you pain and to have terrable things happen to you but i don't want to auctaly hurt you. You will pay for what you have done. I know i have and i am paying for it now. But i feal i have done nothing to feal like i do. This is not a threte. But leave me alone. Say nothing to me at all. About anything for any reason. See i dont desier to hurt u but i do want revenge and everything you say to me pushes me that much closer to the edge. I was hurt worse last time but this time im hurt and verry angery. For your own saftey and for mine, that is if you do still care at all and i don't really think you do. Stay away and keep quiet. Say nothing at all. U will get whats owed to you and what you deserve. I will get revenge but in my own way. With pice of mind. It will just take a verry long time. My dreams are all i have left. I've always wanted what my pearents have. To be a husband and have a loving wife. Beautifull kids. See thats what I've always wanted out of my life. But screw it. It's just not ment for me. Not at this time. I have nothing left. So it is time to start over. This time im going for my dreams. And when I'm standing on that podium thanking everyone, my family and friends, yes even you, i'll thank you for giving me the chance to live my life how i want to, then you will know what i mean. Then you will realise what it is to acomplish a dream. I'm sure not any has a clue what I'm talking about. But everyone can relate to the concept. It is only then that you will truly be sorry. But i know I'll never hear the truth. It is rare that the truth isn't distorted by fear pride and lusting for what we don't have. Truth llyes in love and the truth lies in the fear of. 2 doubbles down, 1 tripple to go, 5 up, fully compressed, wide open.  To the sky i reach. Stareing deathe in the face, I push the fine line and to cheet death is the dream i will to live.



12:49 AM 

[MrCompton734]

Dude, it seems like she wants you for the money if she keeps leaving when times get tough. My grandparents have been together for I think 40 years, and he lost his job last year due to Cirrhosis of the Liver. She still sticks with him every single day of his life, you want commitment. And she obviously is not committed enough to you if she keeps leaving when times get rough. What's she going to do when she's down on her own luck, broke on the side of the road maybe one day, you drive slowly by look at her, she asks can you help? You can be a good guy and help(what i would do) or you can say, I'm sorry but things are just rough right now. Relationships are hard, especially when a lot of people just want someone to support them. But dump you once shame on her, dump you twice shame on you. So do you want to keep going through this heartache or do you want to find someone who will always be there for you? Or you could go bar hopping to "let off some steam."

[Hammerlane]

bull .. this is a huge cry for help!!

Your lookin at things all wrong..
This time in your life is not about her.. she's gone.. drop it  (dont mean to be so harsh but..)

This time in your life is about YOU.. you said it yourself above.. your seeing things most people never see.. that is growing you on the inside.. some day
all of this so called "nothing" is going to be helpful to you and/or someone else...
everything your experiencing.. and tossing asside as " not an accomplishment "  is making you a "unique" individual... the loss of her is actually giving you strength to deal with true hardship, learn to deal with it!

stop beating yourself up over a woman.. she was'nt worth it to begin with (just bein brutally honest here) as most people have stated..

Take this time to appreciate the other woman (mother nature) she can touch you deeper than any other if you let her...
some day you will be able to tell the storys in detail, of the most beautiful sunsets and mountain top views any man has ever witnessed.. and that story will melt a womans heart if she sees it in your eyes.       without the experience.. that depth doesnt exist.
some day you will be able to tell a child the story of how you survived unsurmountalble odds against a raging snow storm in the dead of winter (yea.. with the kids you can embelish the story a little).. that child will gaze upon you as if you are a superhero.. there is no greater feeling in the world.

Take this time for what it is..    a time of personel inner growth..   stop being so selfish, get over it and appreciate what is truly in front of you, quit feeling sorry for yourself for what you don't have.. life rarely gives you what you WANT.. thats not what life is about.. life gives you what you NEED.. and you may not agree or see the reasoning.. but there is a reason.      You are currenty being grown for someone that can truly appreciate you for what you have yet to become.

Good luck..


P.S. not hatin here.. just some tuff love from the perspective of someone thats lived it.

[84Chevy]

bull .. this is a huge cry for help!!

Your lookin at things all wrong..
This time in your life is not about her.. she's gone.. drop it  (dont mean to be so harsh but..)

This time in your life is about YOU.. you said it yourself above.. your seeing things most people never see.. that is growing you on the inside.. some day
all of this so called "nothing" is going to be helpful to you and/or someone else...
everything your experiencing.. and tossing asside as " not an accomplishment "  is making you a "unique" individual... the loss of her is actually giving you strength to deal with true hardship, learn to deal with it!

stop beating yourself up over a woman.. she was'nt worth it to begin with (just bein brutally honest here) as most people have stated..

Take this time to appreciate the other woman (mother nature) she can touch you deeper than any other if you let her...
some day you will be able to tell the storys in detail, of the most beautiful sunsets and mountain top views any man has ever witnessed.. and that story will melt a womans heart if she sees it in your eyes.       without the experience.. that depth doesnt exist.
some day you will be able to tell a child the story of how you survived unsurmountalble odds against a raging snow storm in the dead of winter (yea.. with the kids you can embelish the story a little).. that child will gaze upon you as if you are a superhero.. there is no greater feeling in the world.

Take this time for what it is..    a time of personel inner growth..   stop being so selfish, get over it and appreciate what is truly in front of you, quit feeling sorry for yourself for what you don't have.. life rarely gives you what you WANT.. thats not what life is about.. life gives you what you NEED.. and you may not agree or see the reasoning.. but there is a reason.      You are currenty being grown for someone that can truly appreciate you for what you have yet to become.

Good luck..


P.S. not hatin here.. just some tuff love from the perspective of someone thats lived it.

what he said....

[LowSbody]

bull .. this is a huge cry for help!!

Your lookin at things all wrong..
This time in your life is not about her.. she's gone.. drop it  (dont mean to be so harsh but..)

This time in your life is about YOU.. you said it yourself above.. your seeing things most people never see.. that is growing you on the inside.. some day
all of this so called "nothing" is going to be helpful to you and/or someone else...
everything your experiencing.. and tossing asside as " not an accomplishment "  is making you a "unique" individual... the loss of her is actually giving you strength to deal with true hardship, learn to deal with it!

stop beating yourself up over a woman.. she was'nt worth it to begin with (just bein brutally honest here) as most people have stated..

Take this time to appreciate the other woman (mother nature) she can touch you deeper than any other if you let her...
some day you will be able to tell the storys in detail, of the most beautiful sunsets and mountain top views any man has ever witnessed.. and that story will melt a womans heart if she sees it in your eyes.       without the experience.. that depth doesnt exist.
some day you will be able to tell a child the story of how you survived unsurmountalble odds against a raging snow storm in the dead of winter (yea.. with the kids you can embelish the story a little).. that child will gaze upon you as if you are a superhero.. there is no greater feeling in the world.

Take this time for what it is..    a time of personel inner growth..   stop being so selfish, get over it and appreciate what is truly in front of you, quit feeling sorry for yourself for what you don't have.. life rarely gives you what you WANT.. thats not what life is about.. life gives you what you NEED.. and you may not agree or see the reasoning.. but there is a reason.      You are currenty being grown for someone that can truly appreciate you for what you have yet to become.

Good luck..


P.S. not hatin here.. just some tuff love from the perspective of someone thats lived it.

Thanks bro. U of all others on the site know what the "life" is all about. I've meet u breefliy at the mounds once and don't know you at all really but I know your experence and know you've lived it, the "life" of a truck driver. I've told many of the stories, the sun sets on the mountians the snow storms ect. I smile while theres tears in my eyes thinking about thoes things. An i have mesmerised "her", friends and family with thoes stories. But what they dont here is the stories of the end of the day when your sitting there all by yourself just waitting for that phone call that never comes in. I know trucking has grew me up more than any thing else to this point in my life.  It saved me from alchaholisem, was on my way, took me places i would have never seen, and memories I'll never forget. To be able to tell my kids thoes stories is impossable. I have non. I'm ready for that. I think the loss of her bothers me much less than the loss of the plans we had and what was to be our futer. I know in my heart shes not worth it. I've covered all the logical explinations. When i wright like above it's in the moments i'm on the edge and wrighting it out keeps me from going over. The industry as u know as well as I do is a love hate relationship. It's like the byTch that just broke my heart. You seem almost offened by the fact that one of your family members is giving up on the life because of some stupid byTch. I don't feal that i'm one of the sterring wheel holders. I feal that im one of profesionals out there on the road. But I just can't handel it any more. I've lost more than I've gained because of it. A girlfriend and then a fieance, differnt girls. My home, lost touch with friends, don't see my family about to loose my quad and my truck. Perty much have nothing left and living with my pearents when i come home. The life has just left a bad taste in my mouth. I'm giving up on it in another 6 months and going to collage. Hell if i'm gonna start over at 30 may as well really go for it.

[PathWayMan]

hope this never happens to me i see it alot though 

[Hammerlane]

bull .. this is a huge cry for help!!

Your lookin at things all wrong..
This time in your life is not about her.. she's gone.. drop it  (dont mean to be so harsh but..)

This time in your life is about YOU.. you said it yourself above.. your seeing things most people never see.. that is growing you on the inside.. some day
all of this so called "nothing" is going to be helpful to you and/or someone else...
everything your experiencing.. and tossing asside as " not an accomplishment "  is making you a "unique" individual... the loss of her is actually giving you strength to deal with true hardship, learn to deal with it!

stop beating yourself up over a woman.. she was'nt worth it to begin with (just bein brutally honest here) as most people have stated..

Take this time to appreciate the other woman (mother nature) she can touch you deeper than any other if you let her...
some day you will be able to tell the storys in detail, of the most beautiful sunsets and mountain top views any man has ever witnessed.. and that story will melt a womans heart if she sees it in your eyes.       without the experience.. that depth doesnt exist.
some day you will be able to tell a child the story of how you survived unsurmountalble odds against a raging snow storm in the dead of winter (yea.. with the kids you can embelish the story a little).. that child will gaze upon you as if you are a superhero.. there is no greater feeling in the world.

Take this time for what it is..    a time of personel inner growth..   stop being so selfish, get over it and appreciate what is truly in front of you, quit feeling sorry for yourself for what you don't have.. life rarely gives you what you WANT.. thats not what life is about.. life gives you what you NEED.. and you may not agree or see the reasoning.. but there is a reason.      You are currenty being grown for someone that can truly appreciate you for what you have yet to become.

Good luck..


P.S. not hatin here.. just some tuff love from the perspective of someone thats lived it.

Thanks bro. U of all others on the site know what the "life" is all about. I've meet u breefliy at the mounds once and don't know you at all really but I know your experence and know you've lived it, the "life" of a truck driver. I've told many of the stories, the sun sets on the mountians the snow storms ect. I smile while theres tears in my eyes thinking about thoes things. An i have mesmerised "her", friends and family with thoes stories. But what they dont here is the stories of the end of the day when your sitting there all by yourself just waitting for that phone call that never comes in. I know trucking has grew me up more than any thing else to this point in my life.  It saved me from alchaholisem, was on my way, took me places i would have never seen, and memories I'll never forget. To be able to tell my kids thoes stories is impossable. I have non. I'm ready for that. I think the loss of her bothers me much less than the loss of the plans we had and what was to be our futer. I know in my heart shes not worth it. I've covered all the logical explinations. When i wright like above it's in the moments i'm on the edge and wrighting it out keeps me from going over. The industry as u know as well as I do is a love hate relationship. It's like the byTch that just broke my heart. You seem almost offened by the fact that one of your family members is giving up on the life because of some stupid byTch. I don't feal that i'm one of the sterring wheel holders. I feal that im one of profesionals out there on the road. But I just can't handel it any more. I've lost more than I've gained because of it. A girlfriend and then a fieance, differnt girls. My home, lost touch with friends, don't see my family about to loose my quad and my truck. Perty much have nothing left and living with my pearents when i come home. The life has just left a bad taste in my mouth. I'm giving up on it in another 6 months and going to collage. Hell if i'm gonna start over at 30 may as well really go for it.

Yea, I know.. but again, life gives you what you need,, not nesissarily what you want..  I lost alot too.. makes me appreciate what I have EARNED in this life.  I did'nt "start over" till I was in my lower 30's..   I literally was living in my pickup with nothing but the clothes on my back.. just broke up with.. somebody.   Felt as low as you.. was sitting at a buddies house that I had'nt seen in a while when "She" walked in..... it happened that fast and I knew it when it happened, we've been together 20 yrs this April, and I spent 1/2 that time OTR..  If she can tolerate that and trust in me that's the one I want to be with.   I got lucky.. most would'nt tolerate it..   
and you have'nt lost more than you've gained,, you have gained more than you know.. in time you'll understand it..   you are on a road most will never travel, you are on a road most could'nt handle.. tolerate the "end of the day" it will strengthen you.  you have some hard times ahead, this is preparing you for that.

listen to the voice inside not your emotions.. trust it and it will generally send you in the right direction.