My fieance dumped again.

[LowSbody]

I still think about it way to much. I'm trying not to here the emotions but listen to the voice rather. but that voice has a.d.d. and keeps going HEY rember when........ Then the emotions go ohhhh sniffel 4 a second. "I HATE HER", goes the big voice, usly verbly said. Then the little voice goes no you really don't u just hate what she's done.    Your really still in love with the dumb byTch you idiot. Then Big voice little voice and emotion wage war in my head. I look like jim Carrie in Me Myself and Iren going down the expressway in my semi. I just want all this daily logiacal explinating to go the funk away. I know I know. Give it time.

[LowSbody]

It's been more than to months now. I just don't know how to let go. I'm way more atached than I ever thought I was. I denied having hope for quit a while. But I still hope for it. I still want her. I'm still verry much in love with her. She said some really awfull things. But that didn't do it. That didn't make me loss any fealings for her. I'm much more emotional and sensative than normal guys. I have told her to not talk to me any more for any reason. I would still here from her about once a week. But every time i have heard from her it was another little stab in the heart. Really i know she misses her best friend and she was trying to make excuses to just talk. So I called her on it one time. Asked if this was just an excuse to try and talk. She said no I have someone else to do that for me. This same senierio came up the first time we broke up. She admited when we got back togeather she was never seeing anyone and all the bs stuff she called or txted me about was excuses to try an talk. So I put a stop to it this time. Thertened her with money. I owe her a small sume from when my fule pump went out at thanksgiving time and didn't get a check till after the weekend. Told her not to talk to me or else. So far shes complyed. But at the same time I still wanna talk to her. I too miss my best friend. But I know right now I can't. I need to get past this wanting her part. I know the logical part of it all. I know what i need to do. I just don't know  how to let go of the one person, and one thing "our relationship" That i have ever really truely cared about. I would give up the rest of my life to have a meanning loving evening with her. I have plans for my futuer. Plans that do not include her. But I can't even begin to concentrate long enough because all I do is think about her. If i'm doing something that really takes concentration shes there in the back of my mind. Seems i haven't even been able to dock my semi  in the past month without doing 5-6 pullups because the thought of her distracs me so much. I can't throw myself into my work cuz I do that all the time anyways. I can't do anything I like to do like fishing riding whelling ect cause i'm always stuck in my truck. When i go home it's even worse. When i'm gone I know the reason I miss her is because I'm gone. But when I go home im not at "home". I'm at my pearents house. I'm still 15 miles from where I wanna be, with her. So close, yet still so far away. I think I would be more accepting of loosing her if, god forbid, she had past away. I really do know what I gotta do. Move on. While i do love her with all my heart. I know she will, would, do this to me over and over all throughout our/my life. I can't handle this happening to me every couple of years or six months ect. I know i would not trust her to do it again eather. She gets scared and runns away to only think about it later and has regret. Then she want's to talk. I know what I gotta do.  Any sugestions guys? I know it's not normal guy talk.  I know i gotta give it time. I know thats what it's gonna take. But i havent even began to let her go. How do I let go of the love of my life?

[Ranger Dave]

olney  you  know what I gotta do   

beet  your self up,     or  let it go

[bubbaj]

sorry to hear your going through such a hard time hope you can fix it within yourself soon and be able to move on best of luck my friend

[mathew21]

To be honest I had a girl break my heart Bad. It took me a long time to fully get over it. I did not fully get over her until I met my Wife. Now I ask myself what was I thinking staying with my Ex that long and mourning for her so bad after she left.  You need to get yourself out and meet other Girls. I'm not saying to jump into a relationship. But it will help you get over her just talking with other girls and knowing there interested in you. 

[LowSbody]

I'm letting go. I know there is no reason to hold on. I was touched today. And I guess the 3 hr conversation with my mom last night helped alot. i know I have true genuien friends and family that are there for me. Thats where the love is that I need right now. Not with her. So I realised it's time to let go. I deleated pics and such last night. I seen 3 states today that i never have befor. I started in nebraska. Rolled through wyoming and I'm now in Utah. Absolutly beautifull!! I had a moment today that I felt greatness. I was crestin a large rolling hill in western nebraske. The sky was crystal clear blue. The rolling fields where a golden brown. Prestine bliss as far as the eye could see. My eye could see for about 30 miles off into the distance. For thoes few moments I quickly rembered why I do it. I felt on top of the world and yet so insignifacant. I was seeing a clear 60 mile radious and i was a mear spec in it. My problems where no where in mind. A few tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt at one with the true heartland of this country. It's a beautifull one. I have no idea why anyone would travel half way around the world to visit a country they don't live in whene there is so much to see right here in our own country. Not that there isn't great offerings on the other side but there is so much here that is overlooked. I seen flat wide open praries rolling hills desert terane and ended the day comming through the devils slide and seen a 10000 ft peek on the way down. Theres so much beauty right in frount of us. In front of me. I've lost alot. But i have to rember to look around once in a while to see what I'm ganing.

[LowSbody]

Start your fun here...100% FREEEEEEEEEEEEE http://www.plentyoffish.com/ 

Well its time to start looking. Gonna sighn up. Time for me to just try n have some fun. I think a spring fling is in order.

[oscar_169]

I have the Doctor on the phone HOLD ON.!!!!!....................................................He said go out get some strange today & Call him in the morning...   

[LowSbody]

I have the Doctor on the phone HOLD ON.!!!!!....................................................He said go out get some strange today & Call him in the morning...  

if i get some strange today i'm telling everybody. Ans sharing the pics with a select few. LOL

[liltipsy101]

okay...well...getting some strange would do you some good....sounds like ya need it...just don't go over to Dort Highway..sounds like this girl rand you through some serious b.s.  You learn if someone is right for you during the roughest parts of your relationship...honestly...at least it happened BEFORE you got married...then you would be paying more! I am sorry to hear that she did that to you...There are obviously more fish in the sea...and you will find one that will actually stick with you through thick and thin...I know Randy and I have been seeing each other for three years next month...and let me be the first to tell ya...sometime we wanna either kill eachother, or just run in opposite directions and forget we met...and honestly, finances are usually our biggest thing...and it's because he was laid off...got back to work for a few weeks and then I lost my job...so that strain of things effected us a little while...but we fought through it, and now we both have two jobs, working first and third shifts...only time we actually see eachother is when we have the five minute, "hey...time to wake up and go to work! Love ya, see you tomarrow night" and then when we do get a day off together...we sleep all day long...and yes, there have been times I wanted to just throw the towel in, but I don't cause there's too much love there...and one day you will find the women who will realize that when times are tough, that's when your bond get's stronger...Best of luck and enjoy the bachlorhood for a while longer...you will meet the right one when the time is right...

(sorry...didn't mean for this to be that long...)

[oscar_169]

Well make sure I'm on that list.

[LowSbody]

No ones on the list. I'm still fishing. lol Till i get home this weekend the only way i can fish is online and thats not really working. Oh well. Was hopeing to get a date lined up for home time. Ah to hell with it time to start calling old girlfriends. Oh wait all ready did that. I'm out of options.

[LowSbody]

okay...well...getting some strange would do you some good....sounds like ya need it...just don't go over to Dort Highway..sounds like this girl rand you through some serious b.s.  You learn if someone is right for you during the roughest parts of your relationship...honestly...at least it happened BEFORE you got married...then you would be paying more! I am sorry to hear that she did that to you...There are obviously more fish in the sea...and you will find one that will actually stick with you through thick and thin...I know Randy and I have been seeing each other for three years next month...and let me be the first to tell ya...sometime we wanna either kill eachother, or just run in opposite directions and forget we met...and honestly, finances are usually our biggest thing...and it's because he was laid off...got back to work for a few weeks and then I lost my job...so that strain of things effected us a little while...but we fought through it, and now we both have two jobs, working first and third shifts...only time we actually see eachother is when we have the five minute, "hey...time to wake up and go to work! Love ya, see you tomarrow night" and then when we do get a day off together...we sleep all day long...and yes, there have been times I wanted to just throw the towel in, but I don't cause there's too much love there...and one day you will find the women who will realize that when times are tough, that's when your bond get's stronger...Best of luck and enjoy the bachlorhood for a while longer...you will meet the right one when the time is right...

(sorry...didn't mean for this to be that long...)

I'm a truck driver. I would go 3-4 weeks with out seeing her. Truthfully thats why it ended. Well theres a whole lot to it. But If i would have been there daily alot of things would have been differnt and i could have seen expressions and body language. Thats verry easy to hide on the phone. Her dad died young and shes afraid with me being gone all the time shes gonna get a phone call one day and I'm gonna be dead and shes not going to have a father for our kids. Don't have kids now but shes afraid of history repeating its self. She needs help cause shes gonna go through this with anyone. It's her fear. She aknowledgs the problem but dosen't admit it. It's just to hard for her to bring up thoes feallings connected to her dad dieing. For good reason. She was in the car when her dad died and almost died too. Was in a coma 4 2 weeks and when she came out of it had broken ribs 3 breaks to her right leg, broken collar bone a huge open wound on her stomach, no memory of what happened, and her father was allready burried. She never got closuer and went through sevrial surgerys after ward for multipul reasons. This happened at the age of 10. I spent the last year trying to figuer this out. I can't make things right an i can't change her fear.. I've let it go. It was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life!

[gator82]

I am an over the road driver as well and it sounds like its all about her,not you. Has she thought about your sacrifices you have made goin over the road? not being able to be with friends and family, doing all the fun stuff like every body else. Has she shown any signs that she cares how lonly you are sleeping in back of a truck and eating at truck stops day in and day out. The head aches of traffic you have to deal with every day or making that wrong turn or missing a turn then tryin to figure out how to get the truck turned around safely and oh, sure hope this is a truck route. If you are having this problem now, its best to move on. It is not about the money or material things in life, thats whats wrong with the world today and relatoinships. Its about love,either you have it or you dont and sounds like she didnt. It takes a strong woman to be with a truck driver period. If she is not willing to fight with you, you are better off without her because right now she is fighting against you and making everything about her,not you and her. I met my wife when I was 19 and hit the road as soon as I turned 21. I'm now 28, been married 4 years 2 kids and 1 on the way and she still loves me and I love her. You have to have a supportive woman when you drive truck, a woman that will stand behind you every step of the way. Mine does and thats because she knows that with out me we are in the street and starving. She is supportive and willing to accept what ever I do to support my family because she knows jobs are far and few and the only money out there is driving truck. Has your girl thought about that and if not, would she stay with you if you left your job for minimum wage? thats about all your going to find right now. Put yourself in my shoes. In the past 7 months I have lost a job making $53,000 a year, got another job ended up in the whole for 3 months, my mini van got repoed, my truck got repoed, lost everything. Landed another job worked 3 months, (recently) fell out of the back of my trailer, broke my wrist and elbow just as things were starting to get better. When I got home, me and my wife kissed told each other that we love each other and now I am goin into week 4 without pay.I am fighting with workmans comp to get paid, scrounging around just to buy milk fore the kids, BUT, every day we kiss, say I love you's and that it will get better. Would your girl be able to do the same or would she walk out again, and again? these are things you need to find out. Is she really willing to fight for the us in the relationship or is it the just me,me,me kind of fight. You know the my needs, my wants, my feelings. Forget you its about her. I would say that you would be better off moving on. Its not going to be easy and it hurts I know. But when and if you do move on to the next girl, BE UP FRONT. Tell her you are an over the road truck driver and she will accept it and be wiiling to support you and make it work or she'll roll out just like the one you just lost. Just look at it like this, are you willing to spend the rest of your life with this girl that every time things get bad and then worse, she leaves? I know I wouldn't. Whats the point. Best to move on and find someone willing to stick it out thruogh thick and thin, bad times and good times, not just hang out for the good times. Good luck to ya man.

[LowSbody]

I am an over the road driver as well and it sounds like its all about her,not you. Has she thought about your sacrifices you have made goin over the road? not being able to be with friends and family, doing all the fun stuff like every body else. Has she shown any signs that she cares how lonly you are sleeping in back of a truck and eating at truck stops day in and day out. The head aches of traffic you have to deal with every day or making that wrong turn or missing a turn then tryin to figure out how to get the truck turned around safely and oh, sure hope this is a truck route. If you are having this problem now, its best to move on. It is not about the money or material things in life, thats whats wrong with the world today and relatoinships. Its about love,either you have it or you dont and sounds like she didnt. It takes a strong woman to be with a truck driver period. If she is not willing to fight with you, you are better off without her because right now she is fighting against you and making everything about her,not you and her. I met my wife when I was 19 and hit the road as soon as I turned 21. I'm now 28, been married 4 years 2 kids and 1 on the way and she still loves me and I love her. You have to have a supportive woman when you drive truck, a woman that will stand behind you every step of the way. Mine does and thats because she knows that with out me we are in the street and starving. She is supportive and willing to accept what ever I do to support my family because she knows jobs are far and few and the only money out there is driving truck. Has your girl thought about that and if not, would she stay with you if you left your job for minimum wage? thats about all your going to find right now. Put yourself in my shoes. In the past 7 months I have lost a job making $53,000 a year, got another job ended up in the whole for 3 months, my mini van got repoed, my truck got repoed, lost everything. Landed another job worked 3 months, (recently) fell out of the back of my trailer, broke my wrist and elbow just as things were starting to get better. When I got home, me and my wife kissed told each other that we love each other and now I am goin into week 4 without pay.I am fighting with workmans comp to get paid, scrounging around just to buy milk fore the kids, BUT, every day we kiss, say I love you's and that it will get better. Would your girl be able to do the same or would she walk out again, and again? these are things you need to find out. Is she really willing to fight for the us in the relationship or is it the just me,me,me kind of fight. You know the my needs, my wants, my feelings. Forget you its about her. I would say that you would be better off moving on. Its not going to be easy and it hurts I know. But when and if you do move on to the next girl, BE UP FRONT. Tell her you are an over the road truck driver and she will accept it and be wiiling to support you and make it work or she'll roll out just like the one you just lost. Just look at it like this, are you willing to spend the rest of your life with this girl that every time things get bad and then worse, she leaves? I know I wouldn't. Whats the point. Best to move on and find someone willing to stick it out thruogh thick and thin, bad times and good times, not just hang out for the good times. Good luck to ya man.

I know it's her. Shes got a majior issue that she has got to over come befor she can commit to anyone. That being the fear of abandenment and commitment. It's 90% her. She understands the harsh life i deal with day in and day out but can't understand or accept when hard times hit. Shes an RN in the OR and make real good money. On top of that she has an ass load of cash from the lawsuite when her dad died. i made 22,000 last year including unemployment the first 3 months of the year when i was laid off from gravel train. So i took a shity otr job and voila. Got my bills back on track and strugeled to do so. While she on the other hand bought a house an new car and to new  boston terriers with paper at 800 a pop and paid cash for it all! She has so much and has had it for so long, got the first pay out from the lawsuite at 16 i think, that she dosen't understandWhat it's like to be broke and is unacceptable to her to be so. I estimated her to be worth about 3 million. But I didn't care about any of the money. Didn't know she had it till after I fell in love with her. Good news is. I'm over what she did. i have forgave her for what she said and  i will never trust her again. ya not trusting her is a good thing cause everyone is rught. She will do this to me again. If i don't trust her that means i will continue not to want her any more. I have had eough. A year of beatting my head aginst the wall trying to figuer out the real problem wich is lack of communication when there is a problem because shes to scared to face problems because she can't deal with a possiable loss, is not worth it any more. She put all her heart into me when things are good. When things go wrong she pushes me away in fear. I'm done with it. i don't desier her abuse anymore. i talked to her a few weeks ago and brought up the daddy issue.  At first she started to cry and said can we just drop this. I didn't let it drop. Sheaknowledges the problem but dosent admit to it. Not even to her self. When i realised that day that she could not admit to it even thoe she really knows it's there then tthere is nothing more i can do to help her and no reason for me to hope for her or us when she can't deal with the pain or her dad dieing to work out a current fear caused by it. I've done all i can and she don't love me enogh to get help. She never will love anyone enogh to get help. I don't think her own happieness will ever be enough for her to get help. She just moves on to something or someone else thath hasn't seen the depth and feeds off that for a while. I just happen to be the first in her life to care enough to stick it out this long an to ask the questions no one else has. I'll find better. I know I'm not over her. But It's been long enough that she hasn't been in my day to day life that i m no longer in love with her. Just he memories.